Happy new year from Atawhai!
Kia ora friends
It's Atawhai here. You might know me from classic moments like being a dick with my mum's lemon tree (featured). You haven’t heard from me for a while because I'm chronically lazy.
This summer, I've been spending some quality time with my mum. She's a great lady. You'd like her. One thing I've learned about my mum is that she really loves her beauty sleep.
And that's why, when she got up for a glass of water last night, I took the chance to slip through her bedroom door. Lucky I moved so quickly and sneakily, because she almost shut me out. Silly mum!
I like to check my mum's sleeping well. Because I care. So I butted at her until she let me under the duvet, then I immediately realised I didn't like it under the duvet, so I got out from under the duvet, but I butted her again straight away to again let me under the duvet, just to be sure I didn't like it under the duvet.
I did not like it under the duvet.
But that was OK: I had a Plan B. Purring like a chainsaw massacre, I rubbed my stinky cat saliva in mum's face, to ascertain whether she was in fact snoozing. She rolled over, groaning. No problem. I walked over her and tried from the other side. By the third or fourth time, I felt I'd perfected the manoeuvre.
But the situation remained unclear. Was mum asleep? Maybe her face was cold? Concerned, I put my fat arse on it. I have a lot of love to give: enough for two cats. Mum always says that when my brother Kōwhai died, his spirit fused with mine. She can't think of any other way I could have gained that much weight in a few weeks.
By now, my mum didn't seem to want to sleep any more. She started a game of peekaboo with me instead. When she pulled the pillow over her head, I just pushed on underneath so my moist cat nose caressed her skin. My mum is fun. We played until dawn!
In the morning light, my mum made more groaning noises and got out of bed. My work was done. It was time for a nap.
Love, Atawhai
PS. My mum says thanks once again to all the paid subscribers and readers of her blog. She wishes you an awesome 2022.
