See you next Tuesday

Look, I don't have a problem with the C word. But like any responsible user, I appreciate there's some careful etiquette around it. And that etiquette is what makes our nation great. We’re good c***s, mostly.

But I'm not happy with some recent usage. We’ll come to this shortly, but first I need to explain.

The problem with misogyny is that it likes to divide and conquer. Sometimes it's blatant, but usually it's subtle: a dismissive comment here, an off-colour joke there. You watch on, as a woman, and wonder if you should say anything - but there's a quiet pressure.

You could be 'that' woman, the one who's uptight about everything, moaning about sexism; or you could just laugh and let it go. The woman who laughs and lets it go is more likely to be picked for the team, because she makes the team feel more comfortable. She occupies an awkward limbo, and she says things like, ‘I’m a feminist, but ….’.

Do I sound judgy? If I do, I’m judging myself - and for something incredibly human and normal and relatable.

I’ve had more than a few ‘pick me’ moments. Like every woman, I’ve put up with being patronised, picked on, perved at and pissed off. You get tired, if you’re a feminist, anti-racist, rainbow ally, or generally decent human. You find yourself making a calculation: what you might achieve by speaking out goes on one side of the ledger, and the personal costs on the other. You weigh up both sides, and you learn to pick your battles.

This time, I’ve made the calculation, and I feel like I need to speak out. It’s important to me that I explain why.

A high-profile journalist just called Nicola Willis, the Minister of Finance, the C word.1 There was nothing light-hearted about it: this was an attack for clicks.

Context is everything. In recent years, politics has become increasingly hostile to women. It’s even worse for women of colour and gender diverse people.2 Women leaders face a constant stream of harassment, abuse, and threats of assault, rape and murder - and when I say ‘stream’, I mean ‘open sewer’.

Even five years ago, calling a woman Minister of Finance the C word would have been unthinkable. This week, a journalist wrote it and an editor OKed it. And it reflected just how low our collective baseline has sunk - like we’re gormless frogs being boiled in a pot of our own most basic impulses.

But it was a clever attack. It aimed to appeal to feminism (opposition to the government’s rollback of pay equity) while using the most anti-feminist of tactics: a bob each way. It whispered to the tiredness we’ve all felt. Laugh, just this once, it suggested. The target may be a woman, but she’s a woman who’s not supporting other women. That’s different. She’s a woman you don’t have to like - and maybe, just maybe, we should bend the rules for cases like her.

Nope. Hold the line.

We don't have to like every woman, and we certainly don't have to support her. We might feel we have a duty to speak out against her, and we might use some pretty direct language. Fine. But we have to protect her from misogyny - partly because she’s at stake, but mostly because we all are. Every moment of misogyny makes all of us a little less safe.

Let’s play the ball, not the woman.

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